Making Amends
by Clara Bright
Summary: The bullet had hit me, my time was up. Everything had been for nothing. In between worlds, he came. I hadn't expected it to be him, but, at the end of the day, it really couldn't have been anyone else.


**This is just something that came to me. I wasn't satisfied with Cinna's death. I don't think he got the acknowledgement he deserved.**

**Making Amends:**

It was a strange feeling; nothingness. But it wasn't at all like I expected it to be. I did have a sense of peace, of calm, but I was definitely _somewhere_. I always expected to just be a disembodied voice or something, but when I thought about it, I was definitely lying on something; therefore I must have a body. I slowly opened my eyes only to blink them a few times. The light was blinding, the air misty.

_How very stereotypical _I thought _I must have been "worthy" enough..._

And then it hit me. I wasn't supposed to be here. I was supposed to be fighting for Panem. I was supposed to be the people's leader, their symbol. But no, I had trusted in my heart and trusted when I shouldn't have, and this is where that impulse of warmth has landed me. I had abandoned everyone...

I started trembling, not because it was cold, because it certainly wasn't, but because of the utter hopelessness of the situation. All the people I left behind, just because of an unstable man's compulsive bullet.

But this wasn't _anywhere._ I could see nothing. I could _feel_ nothing. Just a growing sense of dread at the ultimatum I appeared to have been presented with. I got shakily to my feet and noticed that I was wearing _normal _clothes. Not my Mockingjay armour, not my interview dresses, not even my arena uniform, the clothes I wore back home...in District 12...when it existed...when I ran through the woods with Gale. Those days seem like an eternity ago. I thought I had it hard then, look at me now. But...there was no "me now". There was nothing.

I was comforted, however, by the soft and worn material of the familiar, yet seemingly ancient, clothes. I felt slightly more secure.

As I stood up, I looked around, peering through the misty haze that surrounded me, like my eyes were blurry, maybe they were. I saw a figure approaching. I felt surprising nonchalant about this. Maybe I assumed I would have to confront someone at some point as I appeared to be stuck in between two states of mind.

As the figure advanced further, I could tell it was a man. He was tall and slender, so that ruled out several people I had considered it might have been. I faced him head on as he got closer still, neither of us speaking, merely waiting to see the other more clearly.

As he got to only a few feet away, the mist cleared enough so I could see who it was.

At first it was a shock, I hadn't even thought it might be him. I was never religious so my initial idea was that it might be my father. I was hoping it to be too so he could comfort me and give me advice and possibly even tell me to come with him or something, but it wasn't.

Maybe it would be someone living, Peeta or Gale perhaps. But he was too tall to be Peeta and not muscley enough to be Gale. I would have liked to have talked to Peeta. He always knows how to make things better and Gale would make me smile no matter what.

I knew it would be someone I trust immensely. Someone I have found comfort in talking to in the past. Someone who had absolute faith in me from the start.

I hadn't even considered him, but I realised then that it could never have been anybody else.

My heart twisted in agony just at the sight of him, my throat constricting and my eyes stinging with tears. I took in every inch of him, just standing there. His flawless smooth skin was lightly and evenly tanned but seemed to almost glow in the strange, hazy light, his tall and slender build and elegant stance. His hair was still dark brown, cut short and slightly spiked at the front. His cheekbones were high, his jaw strong and his nose straight and his signature eyeliner looked almost angelic, bringing out the gold in his emerald eyes. I felt warmth and sadness flood me at the look of bliss, calm and pride on his face. He had always been handsome in life, but now he looked ethereal. I still couldn't believe it...

"_Cinna?" _ I half choked, half sobbed.

He just smiled at me, a smile full of compassion and pride. I ran towards him. I wanted to hold him, to assure myself that he was actually there, but he shook his head and held out his hand. I reached out to take it but my hand went straight through his, as if he was made of the mist around us. But he looked solid. He _was_ there. I had to force myself not to cry there and then.

"You've been so brave." He said fondly, smiling sadly "You have come all this way. I couldn't be more proud."

"Cinna, it was all for nothing! He shot me. I've let everyone down. I was just trying to make things better, and now I'm dead. It's too hard. I've worked too hard. I've lost too much..."

"And that's what made you stronger. No one else could be the Mockingjay, Katniss, because no one has been through what you have. You stood up, you fought back, you started this and you will finish it. I'm always betting on you."

I let out a small laugh which turned into a sob. This was couldn't be real...

"I failed. I failed everyone, I failed you." I looked up at him and sighed, closing my eyes in despair "I did this to you, Cinna. I sent you here. It's my fault you are dead. Simply by _being there_ I put you and everyone else in danger. It was me who killed you. They knew we were close. They knew you were my weakness. They knew I loved you, and you were my one and only friend in the Capitol. They knew I would tell you everything and they used it against me. I can't believe I let them do what they did. They _tortured _you. They _killed_ you. And now you died for nothing."

He smiled sadly again and shook his head.

"Katniss, listen to me. I don't blame you for my death, or for the pain they put me through. It was always going to happen and I'm just glad I could stand up for you and what is right when it did. I told you I channel my emotions into my work so I only hurt myself, this is an example of that. It wasn't your fault, I knew they would come for me the moment I made your wedding dress. I have never believed in what they are doing in the Capitol. Panem is all wrong and I had an opportunity to voice that. I died with honour, Katniss. I didn't tell them anything. I made them _furious_ and that was reward enough for me. I died for you. I died strong and brave and that's all I could have asked for. It's what I knew I would have to do from the beginning. Don't pity me, I lead a good life and I died the way I wanted to, making a stand."

The thought of Cinna hurting, of Cinna _dying_, made me feel awful. The guilt was bubbling up and spilling over from inside me and I found myself trembling.

_If he had had another district, _I thought to myself _He would still be alive. Brilliant, enigmatic, lovely Cinna was taken from the world because of you._

I couldn't stop the tears now.

"It was you!" I sobbed "It was all you! You made the dress. You made me the Girl on Fire. You _gave _me that image. You took me as a dull nobody and made me a star. You gave me my spark, you gave me courage. I took all the credit while I wore your work and you just stood behind the scenes. You made me the Mockingjay. You made me be remembered, engraving my image into the mind of every person who watching the games. You made me the symbol of rebellion. You made me who I am and no one will ever know. _You're_ the hero, not me."

He laughed sadly. The most beautiful, heart-wrenching sound I have ever heard.

"Oh, you flatter me. I saw what was in you Katniss, and I let it out, I set it free. You were always on fire, you were always the Mockingjay, and I just showed everyone that. I needed an outlet, you needed a voice. We worked together and created something wonderful. I made got the world's attention but you addressed it. Your bravery came from within, not outside. I only seemed a genius because you were my tribute. You have, and always will be, my greatest inspiration and you are everything I dreamed you would be. Thank you so much, Katniss. In the search for your voice, you gave me mine."

I broke down then. I wanted nothing more than to just cry into him, but instead I dropped to my knees, all my strength leaving me. This was too much, too real. Cinna had opened my eyes. It was all in me, but who was I? I would never know now. He had made me magnificent, helped me help the country, but on the inside, I was just a terrified teenage girl, miles away from home. The people deserved someone much stronger than me as their leader. I was not worthy of being idolized and worshipped when it was Cinna who helped me catch their attention. He had always been there, telling me what to do and say and helping wherever he could and without him, I would be lost. I probably wouldn't have made it out of the Hunger Games alive. He was my saviour and yet he was just a stylist. Just another brilliant young man who lost his life for defying the Capitol, for taking a stand. The fact that he was caring and charismatic and amazingly talented meant nothing to them. He was just another prisoner to interrogate; one more empty cell, one less bullet in their guns. This was the enemy I was facing; cold, ruthless and powerful beyond words. If they could extinguish Cinna's light, what was to stop them from just snubbing me out?

I felt more than saw Cinna crouch down beside me. I could hardly bear to look at him. He was so pure, so perfect. And I had killed him.

"I know you're scared. I was scared. But this cause is bigger than both of us. Just think of all the people you are fighting for. Katniss," I raised my head and looked into his emerald eyes "You must be so scared, and I understand how hard this must be. You must just want to give up and run away but you can't. I'm so sorry Katniss but you have to go back. You have to be brave. For your family, your friends, your people...for me. I don't want to have died for nothing."

"Oh, Cinna, you have! I'm sorry but I've failed you! I was shot. I'm dead. I can't go back. I can't change anything."

Cinna smiled again. She would never get tired of that smile.

"You can go back, Katniss. I'll take care of that. You can't stay here when so many people need you. You have to carry on, see it through till the very end. My Girl on Fire, my Mockingjay. You have and always will be my greatest creation. And if there is one thing I believe in, it's you. I am so proud of you. I wouldn't change anything that I have done. I regret nothing. I am at peace, Katniss. Don't be sorry for me, I'm happy. I helped you, I guided you. Look what you have become. Just that I have contributed to that makes me happy. You have more strength and bravery than all of the Capitol put together and you truly believe in your cause. Your determination will see you through. Yes, you are only a child, I regret that, but you are brilliant and all I could have asked for in a contestant. I am proud to have stood behind you, Katniss Everdeen, and I always will."

I screwed my eyes shut as I sobbed uncontrollably. He had so much faith in me but I honestly thought I couldn't go on. Go back? When I could stay here with him in peace? I didn't want to leave him. I knew that if I did, I would never see him again. He was probably just in my mind anyway. I did have to go back, however. I couldn't just leave the revolution. No matter how easy it seemed...

I looked up at Cinna, his eyes were so full of joy and pride. I smiled through my tears and just soaked up his presence. He was right, I needed to go back. I would be brave and strong and determined, for him, for Cinna.

"I-" I said shakily "I-I'm so afraid-d."

He smiled "I know. But you understand, don't you? This is bigger than both of us."

I nodded and he smiled again. Tears glittered in his own eyes and I knew we both understood.

At last, understanding...

As the tidal wave of emotions inside me sprang forth, I threw myself forward in a final attempt at touching him, of forcing my body to acknowledge his entire presence. My heart nearly exploded when I found I could feel him. He felt strange, not quite whole, but there was definitely something there. I felt his arms wrap around me and he seemed to become even more solid. I cried into his shirt and he held me tighter. I could feel the warmth of his body, the smoothness of his skin by my cheek. I breathed in deeply between sobs and discovered I could smell him now. It was _his_ smell. The scent he had always had. Like apples and cinnamon, refreshing and sweet. It was the most delicious smell in the world, it meant hope and I breathed in deeply to absorb as much of it as I could. He was almost completely there now. I could feel his heart beat, hear him breathing softly.

I knew I had to go back, I knew I would go back, so I clung onto the only comfort left. Cinna trusts me, he believes in me, he's proud of me, and that would keep me going. That's one death in the many that have been and were soon to come that had been appeased and settled, one less life on my conscience, although I would never forget him.

"Be brave, Girl on Fire. I'm still betting on you. Light up the world."

I cried even harder, but smiled. I would, or I would die trying.

"I promise." I whispered.

Everything seemed to spin, every semblance of reality until it was a vortex and I was clinging to Cinna with everything I had, needing, yet not wanting to let go. He was the only stable thing, the only thing that made sense and so I kept my eyes shut and waited for the dream to end and the nightmare to begin.

My eyes flew open to absolute chaos. I was alive. I looked down to see the bullet embedded in my Mockingjay armour. Cinna had saved me. And now it was time for me to save the rest.


End file.
